I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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