i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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