The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
