I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
