I looked at my own cervix.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
