I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize