You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
