I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
