I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
