sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize