I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
