Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just cut my nipple shaving
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize