that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
