I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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