I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
dude. I can hear the air.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
