just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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