I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
