i think i have herpe
just one?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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