and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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