I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
