at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
