it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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