I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Small penises have feelings too.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I am midnight drunk by noon
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
