I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
