My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
