I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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