i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Send help, water and tortillas.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
