If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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