yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
