1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Randomize
