He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
