I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
