Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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