i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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