also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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