WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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