So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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