i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
