Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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