She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
