Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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