im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize