Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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