Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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