maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
