Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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