The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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