He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
