a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
