There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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