if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
