College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
