She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
