wake up i wanna do it froggy style
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
