I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
