He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
