listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
In America we eat man semen.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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