all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
