Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you win again, gameday.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize