it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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