allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
