Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
