My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
