when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize