took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
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