you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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