I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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