On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I didn't notice because vodka
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
