I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Can I color on your dick again?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Randomize
