I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
