how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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