she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
