I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
