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I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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