Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
