My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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