just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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