Your face is a jimmy john
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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