idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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