I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
