We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
