Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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