sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
