youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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