Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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