Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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