it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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