Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
