I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
