a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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