Yo dont text me then not text me
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
