do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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