Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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