I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
