I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
