How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
