Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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