Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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