I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
What did we do last night that was yellow?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
