oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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