2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
