There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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