You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
