we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
