I intend to get homeless drunk
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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