When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
