just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
