Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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