does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
