Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
