It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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